禁QQ和讀經的見證 by Cecilia (2011.3)
因為長時間的使用QQ，影響了我的睡眠、功課、生活和神的關係。 我自己想了很久：我的生活不該以使用QQ為樂趣吧？但是每次嘗試戒掉上QQ的癮，都堅持不到幾天就失敗，因為用QQ很多年，已經成為習慣了。雖然明明知道上QQ對自己沒任何的好處，但因為戒不掉，所以很憎恨自己和QQ。
最近課業壓力很重，雖然做功課的時間增加了，但上QQ的時間卻沒有減少，導致我精力和體力都透支。終於，我因為厭恨自己在QQ上的軟弱，加上也看到其他人沉迷網路，就和神約定：禁QQ半年。我要用這個時間來專注在學習和讀神的話語上。我也向神求因著長時間玩QQ，而領受不到從祂來的恩典。
既然順從神戒掉QQ，我就每天睡覺前讀聖經，不想做功課或者做累的時候也讀，每天平均讀5至10章甚至更多。這麼一做，我對網路就愈來愈失去興趣，對神的話語來愈來愈有胃口。
來美國以來，每天平均都是凌晨兩點鐘才睡覺，並且每晚都會做惡夢和很多無聊荒唐的夢。夢裡的恐懼或者怪異，深深影響我的生活。戒了QQ以後，我開始早睡覺也向神求異夢。漸漸的，我不再做那些無聊的夢，醒來時夢也忘了，睡眠品質也改善許多。
在禁QQ的第一個星期當中，知道最近兩次考試成績不甚理想，幾乎要fail了。如果是過去的我面對這種事情，裡面會感到很恐懼、焦慮、多負面思想，但仍然不會減少使用QQ的時間，把時間拿來學習。這次所面對的，真的是很不好的成績，可是不知道為什麼心裡有喜樂、盼望。但是我心裡還是會疑問：我學習的能力不夠，也不喜歡學，又不殷勤，神要怎麼改變我、祝福我？
有一天我很擔憂，我就向神呼喊，求祂救我。在我一邊哭喊、禱告，一邊讀聖經的時候，我就讀到哥林多前書一章27節：「神揀選了世上愚拙的，叫有智慧的羞愧；又揀選世上軟弱的，叫那強壯的羞愧。神也揀選了世上卑賤的，被人厭惡的，以及那無有的， 為要廢掉那有的。」此時，我就想到，我剛好是那愚拙、軟弱、無有的，但因為我是被神揀選的，所以就戰勝了心裡對神的懷疑。
我繼續問神，祂既揀選了我這種人，那要如何帶領我的學業呢？剛好，我又讀到哥林多後書一章8節：「我曾遭遇苦難，被壓太重，力不能勝，甚至連活命的指望有絕了；自己心裡也斷定是必死的，叫我不能靠自己，只靠叫死人復活的神。」祂曾救我脫離極大的死亡，現在祂仍要救我，並且我也指望祂將來還要救我。我開始想到過去我沒有指望、不認識神的日子，不是比現在更沒有指望嗎？我問神：你既然救我出黑暗，怎麼可能不在這小小的學習上賜我恩典呢？此時，我又讀到十二章9節：「我的恩典夠你用的，因為我的能力是在人的軟弱上顯得完全。」我就開始有信心了！
即使神的話與如此對我說，我頭腦裡還是在不斷的思想這兩次很不理想的成績，並且我現在讀的也不懂，不可能突然就改變。我就每天讚美神，宣告我在基督裡，知識、智慧、理解能力都全備。在我等候神的時候，神安慰的話不斷的感動我，我就又想起神在哥林多後書五章7節：「行事為人是憑著信心，不是憑著眼見。」雖然現在情況還沒好轉，但我心裡還是有喜樂、平安，因為我知道神會保守我、為我預備道路，用不著我自己擔心。
活出神兒女的尊貴 by Cecilia (2011.3)
年初起，我開始每天宣告『神超喜歡我』的禱告詞。在不知不覺中，我開始覺得愈來愈輕鬆、快樂。但自從拿了一堂數學課後，過去的那種懼怕、沒有盼望和想放棄的念頭又開始攪擾我。那一週，Martina牧師剛好講到「我們是尊貴的，是主人，一切都在為我效力…」在過去的一個半月中，當我每天照著宣告時，我發現自己常常把這句話掛在口中，愈來愈覺得自己是非常尊貴，對數學也越來越不怕了。我真的覺得自己很尊貴，神救我就是要我不再有過去懼怕的反應。我過去因懼怕和沒有信心，考試常常不夠時間寫題目，所以成績很不好。但因為現在學習愈來愈放鬆，上個禮拜數學小考時，我竟然提早就把數學題目作完了。
上週在心理學的課中，老師在講憂鬱症和焦慮症的症狀和治療方式。我愈聽就愈氣憤，因為神在去年醫治了我的憂鬱症和焦慮症，我知道這些病的背後是仇敵的作為，並不是老師說的那麼表面。我因著世上的人有耳不能聽見，有眼不能看見，而非常的氣憤仇敵使他們活在的蒙蔽中。我想起詩篇139章16節講到：「你所定的日子我尚未度一日，你都寫在你的冊上了。」神造我是如此的尊貴，祂使我從憂鬱症和焦慮症完成的醫治，這才是真實的！世界對這些病的說法和治療方式都是治表不治本，都是虛假的。晚上回到家，我很想讚美，所以就用以賽亞書30章19-21和27節開始大聲宣告：「神要興起吞滅仇敵的作為…」此時，我明白神在我身上所做的工是真實的，祂也把這些仇敵的謊言與作為的憤怒放在我的裡面，並且我也開始對於這些仍活在背仇敵欺壓的人有負擔了。
聖靈管制的生活 by Elsa (2011.3)
這幾次青崇都在說要禁媒體，可是我心裡沒有特別想要做。一直到上周六的青崇聚會，我被聖靈充滿之後，聖靈邀請我禁媒體。聖靈給了我一個數字，祂問我願不願意每天都給祂這點時間。我和聖靈說這個時間對我來說太多了，聖靈說祂不妥協，因為祂要將仇敵奪走我的時間都要奪回來，可是祂需要我願意和祂合作。我就答應神說好。
回家之後，在我的讀經計劃中，神又特別地用祂的話語來堅定我的信心。利未記26章6 -8節寫道：「我要叫惡獸從你們的地上消滅，刀劍也必不經過你的門的地。你們要追趕敵人，他們必倒在你們刀下。你們五人要追趕一百人，一百人要追趕一萬人，仇敵必倒在你們刀下。」我開始每天都用這節經文宣告，我要把我浪費的時間追回來，並且靠著神的恩典，讓聖靈每天都來帶領我的生活。
這週，我每天都和聖靈講很多話，聖靈也和我說很多話。比如說，我每天刷牙的時候，聖靈就會感動我叫我讚美，讚美完之後又叫我漱口，因為祂想要醫治我的牙床病。以前我都沒有和神合作讓祂來醫治我，我家的漱口水買回來半年都沒怎麼用。我以前上課回來，一定先打開電腦東看西看的，總是要把作業拖到晚上才做。這周，我一回到就家，神就感動我快快把功課做完。這樣我整個晚上的時間就空出來可以看聖經了，也不耽誤我的學習。就這樣我每天都很規律也很輕鬆，一點也沒浪費。感謝神，讓我意識到我之前在不經意間真的給了仇敵很多時間，也讓我知道了聖靈的管制可以這樣真實。
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I Know Who I Am by Andrew Chou (12.15.2010)
Over the last couple of months, various people have told me that I’ve changed or grown a lot, but it’s really wasn’t until recently that as I’ve been reflecting that God has shown me what He’s done in me over the course of this past year and how drastic a change there has been in my life.
The first half of this year for me could be described w/ 3 words: fatigue, frustration and failure. I felt really tired all the time because I had to get up before 6am at least 4 days a week to serve in our morning H&B sets and then work until the evening immediately afterward. I was working very hard and I had nothing to show for it. I would see things happening in the lives of brothers and sisters around me, and it frustrated me, because I felt like I was working just as hard, if not harder and wasn’t bearing very much fruit. So, I felt like a failure. This whole thing culminated on my birthday in late July when I basically couldn’t take it anymore and filled w/ a lot of negative emotions had a cry out session w/ God.
Thought it didn’t feel that way then, God heard my every cry. Through and argument I had w/ a good friend and a verbal altercation I had with a worship leader I serve under, God showed me that I had insecurities in that I was still seeking after roles, still feeling the need to prove my worth and that I had this strong necessity to fight at all costs for anything that rightfully should be mine. Not really clearly knowing how to address each of these issues specifically, the only thing I knew I could do was consecrate myself to the Lord. Just as Esther soaked in myrrh for 6 months before meeting the king, I committed to do the same spiritually so that every impurity would be removed. I scheduled out my daily devotional times and would pray often out of Mike Bickle’s prayers to strengthen your inner man, particularly praying for endurance and for grace to live out a life of worthy response.
Then we had a series of guest speakers and God really used them to speak to me. The 3 biggest things that I feel really shifted my heart and my attitude were God’s definition of excellence and greatness and the revelation that He is my judge. To me both excellence and greatness were almost the same. You had to do things at a high level and achieve things. However, what I heard through the speakers were this: “Excellence is doing the very best you can w/ what God has given you“, and “It’s only through living out the sermon on the mount and teaching others to live it out that we are great in His eyes“. These two truths really changed my life. I began to see excellence in my brothers and sisters around me instead of shortcomings and my focus and priorities shifted because I knew clearly that greatness doesn’t come from any role that I have but everything to do with how low I can go to be Christ-like. Finally, knowing that God is my judge was huge. Knowing that I have a God who was going to fight for me, meant I no longer needed to fight for what I should be mine, and gave me a confidence to know that if it should be mine, God will make it mine in His timing. I’ve seen these shifts evident in my life. I see so much excellence in those around me, I’m no longer consumed w/ thoughts about what I must to in order to have certain roles, and I’ve found it really easy to let things go, whereas in the past it was all about making sure everyone knows that I was right and not wrong.
Now, I look at my life and the best way to describe it is life, joy and freedom. Keep in mind, my schedule hasn’t changed. I’m still getting up before 6am, 4 days a week, but I feel so energized and don’t feel exhausted. I’m not frustrated anymore, as I see with such clarity now, everything that God brought me through the first half of this year, in order to bring me to where I am now. What God did was root out a spirit of slavery inside of me, and usher me into my identity as His son. I am so thankful for everyone in my life. There were times during this year where I didn’t feel this way at all, but it’s so clear to me right now how much my friends, family and leaders truly love and care for me and that they were there supporting me the entire time.
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God Opened a Way in My Schoolwork by Peony (12.01.2010)
This is my 5th year at college, and I’m pushed to finish the courses in two quarters. Due to the budget cut, many upper division courses are offered only online. Therefore I took two classes online, and I received a horrifying email from International department in the middle of quarter alert me violating the laws. I could only take 1 online course. So me and my auntie prayed for this and hoping that I don’t have to drop a course because I’m already overdue to graduate.
The day I went in to the office to talk to my counselor, I remembered all the difficulties I encountered going to that office – paperwork, failures, and sudden notices. I didn’t blame God for the thing, but I blamed myself my carelessness. A verse came in to my mind when I was afraid “Be strong and courageous, for I will never leave you, nor forsake you.” (parts from Deut 31:6) and I asked God to hold my hands to talk to the authoritative counselor. He is a Middle Eastern man, and surprisingly, he figured out a way for me to give an excuse of “difficulty in learning English” and I had to find a professor to prove it for me. I was really glad I did not have to drop the class and one of my Women’s Studies professor wrote a thoughtful letter to my counselor. I saw God’s favor on me in my school! Praise Him for His love!
The challenges did not end here. As a matter of fact, I only have 3 classes to graduate and found out 2 are not offered next quarter. I felt frustrated, but did not lose hope. It really is a miracle that my major counselor somehow were willing to compromise and chose unrelated classes in that field as substitutions for me to graduate. I’m so grateful those classes are all actual-classes! How can I not say my God is truly faithful in taking care of his daughter? Cast all burdens on Him and fear Him, and God will make ways when there seems to be no way.
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I Know Who I Am by Andrew Chen (11.02.2010)
After the weekend in which Shelley Hundley and Sarah Kim from IHOP-KC came to speak on the Sermon on the Mount, I was feeling a particular need for breakthrough in the area of shame. I have struggled with shame for many years, and was craving to be free.
That Tuesday, I woke up in the morning from a dream. It was a recurring childhood dream: I would have a small animal whom I loved, and whom others despised. In the end, the animal would be killed. I remember that the first time I had the dream, when I was in elementary school, I woke up from the dream weeping.
Later that day, I prayed on the phone with my prayer partner, and shared about my need for breakthrough from shame. He proposed that we use the five-step healing and deliverance method taught by Shelley, and we began to go through the steps together. I felt moved to share the dream with my prayer partner, and we prayed for healing for my shame in being a tender, emotional, and sensitive guy. I began to feel the healing of the LORD upon my heart, and began to understand that the LORD saw my personality and nature as good, as just the way He wanted me to be, and that there was nothing wrong, nothing shameful, about being tender-hearted. I was not less of a man for being so, but in fact the LORD delighted in my tenderness and sensitivity, for that was the way He created me. As the flow of prayer went on, we also cast out inferiority, insecurity, fear of man, and rejection. I felt that the LORD was restoring my dignity – at one point I began to feel this nobility being poured out over my head. It felt like an anointing of royalty: I felt that I was set free to live confidently, to lift up my head, and to speak boldly. The LORD restored my dignity – I am His prince.
My prayer partner felt like the LORD was saying to me that not only did He create me with sensitivity and rich emotions, and therefore it is good, but that He Himself is also sensitive and gentle. In fact, the only attributes of God that Jesus proclaimed over Himself were gentleness and meekness. And so, the LORD not only wants me to be who I am, but He also wants me to be who He is.
Towards the end of our prayer time, the LORD began to pour out joy over us. I had so much joy that I ended up lying down on the floor laughing (still holding my cell phone with one hand). I felt complete freedom afterwards. And I know that the freedom will last.
I am so in awe of the LORD and what He has done, and so grateful and glad in my heart. May His Name be praised forevermore, who takes care of His children in such extravagant ways!
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Living a Consecrated Life 11.5.2010
a while back (~april), i felt i needed to fast movies/tv/secular music for no reason. at first, it was difficult because i really loved watching trashy tv and listening to lyrically-atrocious music, but after the initial struggle, i didn’t think about it too much, and tried to concentrate more on doing the things i had to do in daily life. over the course of a few months, i pushed for more spiritual breakthrough and God gave me grace for a lot of inner healing from my past.
last month, a lot of things from my past started randomly resurfacing in my head, like thoughts, words and actions from my old lifestyle, things i hadn’t remembered in a long time. at first it really frustrated me because my mind became a constant battlefield, constant like, even within seconds, unholy thoughts would just come at me.
i kept asking God for grace, for breakthrough, to get past these things. before i had any though, He first showed me again the activities i used to participate in, the conversations i used to partake in. He made me realize how much total trash i had poured into and infected my heart, my mind, and my spirit with– revolting tv shows, movies, music, magazines, even friends & conversations, all heavily saturated and polluted with sex, drugs, violence, cursing, etc. i finally understood why i was doing this media fast– i desperately needed to completely purge myself of all the things of the world and the spirit of the age. it’s what Pastor Glenny Clinton said about how all music being spiritual and there is such a thing as demonic music that enters into people. i know for a fact that i used to listen to satanic music and was influenced by it.
knowing these things was great, but i was still a bit frustrated with myself, and i kept going on my daily life while trying to overcome these old issues. i had some breakthrough, but very limited. and i wondered, why am i still being tortured like this in my mind and my emotions when i’m not in that culture anymore at all? then in the past few weeks, around the same time Pastor Clinton came and talked about the calling of spiritual Levites, how God is purifying them, i realized that i really just needed to spend more time with Jesus and fill my heart with His truth and the qualities of His kingdom. along with Clinton’s message, i felt in my heart the calling to purify myself and enter deeper into the things of God, a life of prayer and worship, etc, like Clinton said, to be a spiritual Levite, you can’t want the things of this world; “you just gotta want Him.” and like Sarah and Shelley (from IHOP-KC) talked about, it’s not just enough to abstain, because if you don’t fill yourself with the pleasures of God, the abyss in your heart will still desire to be filled with something, anything.
so now, i have not really started.. but my goal is to spend a lot more time with Jesus in everything– bible, prayer, worship, etc. and i have confidence that through a new submersion in the culture of heaven by discipline in spending time with the Lord (make a schedule & tasks), He will give me grace to overcome the spirit of this age and my past and to be filled instead with the spirit of God.
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FORGIVENESS 11.4.2010
I had a broken relationship with my father. He never did anything horrible, but I blamed a lot of my past hurt and emotional problems on him. I felt he was emotionally absent all my life, and I had a lot of bitterness and could not accept that he loved me. I was very critical of him, and I was more impatient and easily frustrated with him than anyone else.
Because of other circumstances, my family was a major concern and burden for me, so I started praying more for them. I began by trying to yield to God, to give Him all authority and supremacy in my life and my family. I did this by praising aloud a lot, praising God for His sovereignty, for His perfect will, for allowing all these circumstances. Whenever I read something in the Bible I felt pertained to my family, I would thank God and praise Him for His promises, and then declare it over my family members (i.e. Psalm 66:12).
While I was praising, I would unintentionally start to praise God for all the good things about my father, like “God I praise You that I have a wonderful father. I praise You Lord that my dad is a righteous man, that he loves Your word. I praise You that he is a diligent man and excellent in his profession.” etc
One day I was driving, and the Lord suddenly showed me how much my dad loved me and cared for me. He opened my heart to understand my father’s heart, how even though my dad didn’t always do or say the right things, but his heart always wanted the best for me. I felt the grace of God covering all the things from the past that were wrong between my dad and me—emotions, words, actions, even lack of actions. I finally understood my dad’s love for me, and I didn’t hold any more unforgiveness against my dad, and now all the past bitterness and anger is gone.
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Give and Receive by Tiffany 10.20.2010
I went to a cosmetics store half an year ago and while the lady was doing a mini-facial I started conversations with her. Last week she called me and ask if I wanted to do another free mini-facial. I wasn’t interested in doing mini-facial, but I still wanted to visit her though I have very busy schedule. That Sunday when I went to farmers’ market, I bought some fruits for her and her husband. (I remembered she told me that she was married!)
When I visited her the next Monday, I gave her the fruits and she was VERY surprised and happy. I left after I bought some stuff but then I felt like I wanted to do more for her and let her her feel God’s love. So after struggling with myself, I went back and asked if I could pray for her allergy. She agreed and was very moved.
Though I spent less time than I scheduled, I felt very happy that I can bless a person without doing much. And I know that the lady, as a saleswoman, was very touched by my little caring act.
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Giving Out of Inconvenience 10.19.2010
It was a very busy week for me at my internship, on top of all my other services, but I had a video project waiting for me.
After the media team translated the text, most people did not have spare time to finish the job with me, so I had to finish it by myself. Originally, I thought, “What a tedious job and no one is willing to help??” I was exhausted and tired… but suddenly it dawned on me, that God remembers every bit of giving out of our inconvenience. He remembers it and writes it down. I began to see that my little service actually has eternal value and will impact many others…and its cost time? Just some of my time! Suddenly, the task doesn’t seem so inconvenient any more; I found a purpose and joy in doing this. So, after a few days, I finished the task and the video was shown to a big group of people. The church elder wrote a letter afterward to thank the media team’s effort in doing subtitles, because it has blessed so many others.
I’m glad that no service is small in God’s eyes. After all, God has called us to be faithful in everything we do.
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Let Go and Let God by Kedi 10.19.2010
God has been gracious to me. He also molded me to have faith to TRUST in Him.
Last Sunday, Alan and I went to our old apartment to clean up. And we found out that we have to give a written 30-day vacant notice to the management. We thought we already called the management in Sept and notified them we are moving out after our lease ends. They never told us we needed a written notice. -__- So we went to talked to the management, and they said we have to pay part of November rent, which comes down to ~$500! I was soooo mad because no one told us about the written notice when we called them, now they ask us to pay extra $$! I couldn’t let go, and was emotionally angry at the management for ripping us off!
Monday night, I had time after work, so I decided to wait upon the Lord ( doing our SG hw, WUG 5 min. everyday). As I quieted myself before the Lord, I had this extreme peace in me. God told me not to worry and LET GO! It is not worth it to lose peace over $500!! So I told God that I will let it go, and not think about it any more.
Next morning when I woke up, I really forgot about all that stuff….until I received a call from Alan! Alan told me the apt manager called him and told him we don’t have to pay the $500! He was so shocked and couldn’t believe it! He asked why, they couldn’t give a reason, just said they’ve got the news that we don’t have to pay!! Wow!! I was so joyful, not only because of the money, but because I experience what it means to LET GO, AND LET GOD!
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